What's Your Style?

What’s Your Parenting Style—and Why It Matters

If you’ve ever caught yourself saying something your own parents used to say, and then cringed a little or maybe laughed at yourself? Parenting has a funny way of holding up a mirror. We often bring our own childhood experiences, both the sweet memories and the hard ones, into how we parent today. Sometimes we repeat what we knew because it felt safe or familiar. Other times, we go the complete opposite direction because we want to do things differently.

Either way, those early experiences shape the lens through which we see parenting.

Understanding Parenting Styles

Researchers often describe several general parenting styles:

• Authoritarian: High expectations, low flexibility. “Because I said so” is the motto.

• Permissive: Lots of warmth, few boundaries. Rules bend easily.

• Neglectful: Low structure and low connection. Kids are often left to figure things out on their own.

• Authoritative: A healthy balance—clear boundaries and emotional connection. High expectations with high support.

• Helicopter-Parents over do things for their children, steals self confidence. 

• Lawnmower-Parents move everything out of the way for their child, so they never have to struggle. This can create children with very little resilience for life. 

Most of us don’t fit neatly into just one box. We might lean authoritative on our best days, slip into authoritarian when stressed, or get a little permissive when we’re just too tired to fight the bedtime battle. Parenting styles are on a continuum, but doing what we can to stay in the zone of clear boundaries and emotional connection is what we want to work towards, daily. 

Why It Helps to Know Your Style

Taking time to think about your parenting style isn’t about putting a label on yourself, it’s about growing in awareness.

When you understand your natural tendencies, you can see where they came from and decide what’s serving your family well (and what’s not).You can start to ask yourself:

• Do I parent from fear or from connection?

• Am I reacting or responding?

• Do my actions match my values?

Parenting is less about perfection and more about intentionality. When we parent on purpose, we make choices that align with the kind of relationship we want with our children, both now and in the years ahead.

You don’t have to parent exactly how you were raised—or throw it all out and start from scratch. You get to take what worked, leave what didn’t, and create something new that fits your family.

Awareness is powerful. When we pause to reflect on why we parent the way we do, we open the door to growth, for ourselves and for our kids.